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Posted by: Þórgrímr
« on: May 27, 2008, 08:11:28 AM »

Quote from: "Haegan2005"
Quote
Tera?Kah guessed to escort any visitors. In the background more soldiers watched the scene, these ones in gray and green mottled uniforms incorporating armor with dull weapons and headgear, the standard battledress of the army.
She stepped off the shuttle to a quick salute from the escort commander. ?Fleet-Lord, this was most unexpected,? He sounded flustered. ?We have not yet fully secured the city.?

She again? Maybe its contagious? :D
Posted by: Haegan2005
« on: May 27, 2008, 12:25:38 AM »

Quote
Tera?Kah guessed to escort any visitors. In the background more soldiers watched the scene, these ones in gray and green mottled uniforms incorporating armor with dull weapons and headgear, the standard battledress of the army.
She stepped off the shuttle to a quick salute from the escort commander. ?Fleet-Lord, this was most unexpected,? He sounded flustered. ?We have not yet fully secured the city.?


She again? Maybe its contagious? :lol:

its around page 264
Posted by: Þórgrímr
« on: May 26, 2008, 08:07:47 PM »

Quote from: "Haegan2005"
about 2 pages into chapter 9 :lol:
Posted by: Haegan2005
« on: May 26, 2008, 07:35:20 PM »

about 2 pages into chapter 9 :D[/quote]

LMAO! Anj'Sah is a confused female.  :lol:[/quote]
Posted by: Þórgrímr
« on: May 26, 2008, 07:07:06 PM »

Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
LMAO! Anj'Sah is a confused female.  :lol:


Never mind, I found it.  :wink:
Posted by: Þórgrímr
« on: May 26, 2008, 06:33:49 PM »

Quote from: "Haegan2005"
Quote
Tera?Kah had noticed something in that file he connected with, Anj?Sah would speak his mind despite protocol if she thought she was right

So is Anj?Sah male or femal? :wink:  What page was that on so I can change it.  :lol:
Posted by: Haegan2005
« on: May 26, 2008, 06:22:23 PM »

Quote
Tera?Kah had noticed something in that file he connected with, Anj?Sah would speak his mind despite protocol if she thought she was right


So is Anj?Sah male or femal? :D
Posted by: Þórgrímr
« on: May 26, 2008, 05:45:47 PM »

Quote from: "ShadoCat"
You can pretty much count on that.  <grin>

Thank you.  That would be great.  I'll PM you but my emails not a secret, I just obfuscate it to keep the spambots at bay.  It's my [nic] + 2atcoxdotnet

Feel free to use my name as you wish.  It'll be interesting to see what "I" am up to in your story.

BTW, I am enjoying the B5 references.  I was involved with AgamemCon a while back and had great fun with it.


I will get that to you ASAP. Yeah I love B-5. And I do have a lot of references to other sci fi stuff in the book. I watch and read way TOO much sci fi.  :oops:  As soopn as I get that portion cleaned up I will get you and Shadocat your copies. Give me a day or two.
Posted by: ShadoCat
« on: May 26, 2008, 05:38:22 PM »

Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
I am glad you are enjoying the story so far, and keep picking those nits, it keeps me on my toes.  :D

You can pretty much count on that.  <grin>

Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
If you would like a copy to read and see if it flows a bit better not chopped up PM me your Email addy and I will send you a copy. I think I should send you a copy on principal just because you helped me with advice when I first got out of the hospital with the Bi-Lat PE and diabetes.

So, if you wish a copy, let me know. Also, would you mind if I used your name in Book 2, A Test of Wills: The Time of Blood?


Thank you.  That would be great.  I'll PM you but my emails not a secret, I just obfuscate it to keep the spambots at bay.  It's my [nic] + 2atcoxdotnet

Feel free to use my name as you wish.  It'll be interesting to see what "I" am up to in your story.

BTW, I am enjoying the B5 references.  I was involved with AgamemCon a while back and had great fun with it.
Posted by: Þórgrímr
« on: May 26, 2008, 05:17:43 PM »

Quote from: "Haegan2005"
I will reread again. Maybe I was ditracted. I have reread the battle scene again. It does flow together much better now.


The Presidential Briefing begins Chapter four on page 46. And I really apprecite your feedback dude.  :D
Posted by: Haegan2005
« on: May 26, 2008, 05:03:04 PM »

I will reread again. Maybe I was ditracted. I have reread the battle scene again. It does flow together much better now.

Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
In other words, the way the scenes go, you have eric at the briefing, then the Dens coming through the gate then eric loading onboard the ship then the fight scene with the starfall and the Dens. Even if it takes place in a diff chapter you still have a time flow disconnect. Unless eric is walking very very fast, he shouldn't be loading up until after the starfall reaches at least halfway to the planet.

AH HA! I think I know the problem now, you are forgetting about the Presidential Briefing that sets into motion the movement of US military forces towards the frontier. It is just coincidence that Eric's unit begins its move when the assault begins. The Presidential Orders were given a few weeks before.
Posted by: Þórgrímr
« on: May 26, 2008, 02:04:53 PM »

Quote from: "Haegan2005"
In other words, the way the scenes go, you have eric at the briefing, then the Dens coming through the gate then eric loading onboard the ship then the fight scene with the starfall and the Dens. Even if it takes place in a diff chapter you still have a time flow disconnect. Unless eric is walking very very fast, he shouldn't be loading up until after the starfall reaches at least halfway to the planet.


AH HA! I think I know the problem now, you are forgetting about the Presidential Briefing that sets into motion the movement of US military forces towards the frontier. It is just coincidence that Eric's unit begins its move when the assault begins. The Presidential Orders were given a few weeks before.
Posted by: Haegan2005
« on: May 26, 2008, 01:28:27 PM »

In other words, the way the scenes go, you have eric at the briefing, then the Dens coming through the gate then eric loading onboard the ship then the fight scene with the starfall and the Dens. Even if it takes place in a diff chapter you still have a time flow disconnect. Unless eric is walking very very fast, he shouldn't be loading up until after the starfall reaches at least halfway to the planet.

Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
in chapter seven we have the freighter dodgeing Needle fighters. In the previous chapter we have erics brifing, the emergence of the Denevens fromthe stargate and their begining attack on the freighters, then Eric loading up onto a ship and the other marines admiring the "scenery". Unless the loading dock was ten minutes away or the freighters only a little slower then the Deneven DD then there is a continuity problem here. It may be what threw me off. I will continue reading.

As a side note, I am not looking for capitalization errors or even misspellings. Just erratic story telling errors. It would take a disinterested third party to take a vast amount of time to look for those 1st two errors.

The Marines were based in a different star system, so I am not sure I quite follow the problem. Sorry for being dense on my part.  :wink:  :D
Posted by: Þórgrímr
« on: May 26, 2008, 01:07:26 PM »

Quote from: "Haegan2005"
in chapter seven we have the freighter dodgeing Needle fighters. In the previous chapter we have erics brifing, the emergence of the Denevens fromthe stargate and their begining attack on the freighters, then Eric loading up onto a ship and the other marines admiring the "scenery". Unless the loading dock was ten minutes away or the freighters only a little slower then the Deneven DD then there is a continuity problem here. It may be what threw me off. I will continue reading.

As a side note, I am not looking for capitalization errors or even misspellings. Just erratic story telling errors. It would take a disinterested third party to take a vast amount of time to look for those 1st two errors.


The Marines were based in a different star system, so I am not sure I quite follow the problem. Sorry for being dense on my part.  :wink:  :D
Posted by: Haegan2005
« on: May 26, 2008, 12:57:26 PM »

in chapter seven we have the freighter dodgeing Needle fighters. In the previous chapter we have erics brifing, the emergence of the Denevens fromthe stargate and their begining attack on the freighters, then Eric loading up onto a ship and the other marines admiring the "scenery". Unless the loading dock was ten minutes away or the freighters only a little slower then the Deneven DD then there is a continuity problem here. It may be what threw me off. I will continue reading.

As a side note, I am not looking for capitalization errors or even misspellings. Just erratic story telling errors. It would take a disinterested third party to take a vast amount of time to look for those 1st two errors.