Congratulations on the Corporation, how many shares have you floated?
Do you have any ambitions for including other writers in your project, or will this strictly a one man enterprise?
I'm pretty good at proofreading spelling errors (in fiction anyhow), so I'll check out your preview prose.
Got a deadline creeping up on my thesis paper though, so not too much free time available.
Arnoud
ps I hope The Gunny Saga begins preview is an unedited draft version.
For example:
Last Sentence in second timelapse ends incomplete ...never to be seen
again.
Third timelapse: newscasts speak in present tense, even when recounting well known historical events. i.e. CE has done stuff, not China which had done bad things. It could work if historical Chinese actions are presented as background info recalled by a character or something similar.
p4 ...Helo to NEACAP. ? huh? hello? heli? It only takes them a minute to get to NEACAP.
p5 ...missile recap timelapse: ...as well as the rest
of the world...
missile warheads targetting from MIRV mentioned twice.
there will be survivors, although, etc doesnt work maybe try something like -> he pitied the few that would survive, and hoped they would learn from the impending lesson.
p6-10 are pretty well written, though some of the nuclear death scenes seem superfluous, unless these characters return later in the story.
The first real chapter appears of better quality than the prologue. Only it is several centuries later! I now resent getting to grips with all the irrelevant, dead characters and timepoints of the prologue.
My advice: restrict the prologue to Gunny's POV, maybe beef it up a bit about his background and tie in the story elements (miracle 'cure', impending nuclear strike etc) and leave all the historical stuff and world events Gunny is unaware off for now in a compact timeline at the back (or front) of the story. This will make it both more personal and less confusing to read. Also Gunny seems a bit too much . . . bigger than life, hero, familyman, everybody loves him, etc.... probably the messiah of the wastelands before to long. Being too perfect makes him inhuman.
A bit more than 2`cents.
