Author Topic: Palian Federation vs Kilan Council  (Read 960 times)

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Offline Person012345

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Palian Federation vs Kilan Council
« on: June 05, 2012, 01:02:12 PM »
Ok, so I pretty much just had my first battle proper with an NPC in aurora, it went well and I figured I could make a story out of it. So I did. I don't really have any idea if I'm good at writing, so I would welcome any criticism or comments you might have.

I know the designs may not necessarily be the best, or very good at all, but I started pre-trans-newtonian, am fairly technologically unadvanced and would not expect the race to know how to build the most perfect space-killing machines, so it fits with the RP.

With that said, let's begin:
"They're here sir"
Commodore Gardiner had known they would come. He had hoped it would not be this soon.
"Are you sure it's them?" he asked.
"The Kilan Council sir? Yes, I'm sure."
The Kilan Council were a race of aliens detected in the system originally termed Horus. Contact had started pleasantly enough, although it was quite difficult to establish contact with them as their language was quite basic, consisting of growls and roars that were highly contextual.

However, approximately 2 weeks ago, a new class termed the "tarantula" had been detected on scanners in the sol system, one jump away from Palis. This was nothing untoward, we were content to let the humans deal with them, it was their system after all.

Suddenly, the humans contacted us with news that a distress call had been received from one of the Grant Shipping and Logistics fleet Seitokai Yakuindomos. The Yakuindomo had reported that the ship identified as the Tarantula had begun firing upon it, in orbit whilst it was loading goods from earth. It said it appeared to be using a high powered projectile or energy weapon, the crew were in such a state of panic, and not being military personell, were not able to identify the weapon precisely. All they knew for sure is that these weren't missiles. A few moments later, there was screaming as the bodies of the crew members who did not make it to the lifepods were sucked out into the cold void.

This scene was repeated over the next few hours with other ships attempting to flee the system, their civilian transponder signals just popping out of existence. Grant shipping lost 4 of it's ships, 80% of it's fleet, and Mcdonald Shipping Services a further 2. The humans were outraged. Friendly trading vessels had just been blown out of the sky in their territory. They sent a diplomatic demand for an explanation, an apology, and reparations. They received no reply. 2 days later, the humans formally declared us an ally, pledging to keep their space free of the Kilan threat. However, subsequent searches were not able to locate the Tarantulas.

And now they were here. Palis. The home system.

A Karzai S, a modification of the Karzai FAC, the sensor platform of the Texco Corporation's FAC fleet, had been stationed at the jump point in anticipation, along with the full Texco fleet of 10 Karzai FACs. Gardiner was glad that the government had largely subcontracted defence plans to the corporation, as if left to the government, they would no doubt have prioritised civilian pursuits instead. Although 10 FACs was not a lot, at least it was something. To add to Gardiner's worries, they were only equipped with the old Sunspray MkI missiles, a design since obsoleted by the Sunburst MkI. Oh well, he thought, they should be able to return to the planet and reload with the new a couple of times before the tarantulas get here.

Note that they're officially equipped with the Starburst here.
Code: [Select]
Karzai class Fast Attack Craft    1,000 tons     114 Crew     145 BP      TCS 20  TH 80  EM 0
4000 km/s     Armour 2-8     Shields 0-0     Sensors 1/1/0/0     Damage Control Rating 0     PPV 6
Maint Life 4.81 Years     MSP 45    AFR 16%    IFR 0.2%    1YR 3    5YR 48    Max Repair 48 MSP
Magazine 6    

Quail Class Nuclear Pulse Engine E80 (1)    Power 80    Fuel Use 800%    Signature 80    Armour 0    Exp 15%
Fuel Capacity 10,000 Litres    Range 2.3 billion km   (6 days at full power)

Teflon Class Missile Tube (2)    Missile Size 3    Rate of Fire 30
Knifefish Class Fire Control (1)     Range 60.2m km    Resolution 70
Sunburst MkI (2)  Speed: 20,000 km/s   End: 35.7m    Range: 42.9m km   WH: 5    Size: 3    TH: 66 / 40 / 20

Missile to hit chances are vs targets moving at 3000 km/s, 5000 km/s and 10,000 km/s

This design is classed as a Military Vessel for maintenance purposes

Being the Government officer, he would of course not be commanding the Karzais, but as they were our primary defence against the intruders, he would be watching with bated breath nonetheless. Rather, he would be commanding the Yakisoba Missile Bases stationed on Pales, although he hoped it would not come to that.

Normally carries the Baselard
Code: [Select]
Yakisoba class Missile Base    14,650 tons     1220 Crew     1198.4 BP      TCS 293  TH 0  EM 0
Armour 8-53     Sensors 1/0     Damage Control Rating 0     PPV 100
Magazine 1000    

Ansorgiidae Class Missile Launcher (10)    Missile Size 10    Rate of Fire 300
Antefungivoridae Class Missile Fire Control (2)     Range 67.1m km    Resolution 20
Sunspray MkI (333)  Speed: 13,300 km/s   End: 93.7m    Range: 74.8m km   WH: 3    Size: 3    TH: 44 / 26 / 13

Missile to hit chances are vs targets moving at 3000 km/s, 5000 km/s and 10,000 km/s


This design is classed as a Planetary Defence Centre and can be pre-fabricated in 6 sections

The young Lieutenant Commander snapped him back to the present situation.

"Here sir, the Karzais have launched the first wave of missiles and are heading back to rearm. As you can see the sensor craft is moving in the opposite direction in order to put distance between it and the Tarantulas, whilst keeping them in range"
Gardiner considered pointing out to the young officer that all this was blatantly obvious, but decided against it as they were probably all nervous and the kid was trying his best in the situation.
"Good good, keep monitoring the situation"
"Yes sir"
Gardiner could see that the enemy craft were disoriented from the jump, and did not notice the missile launches. Initially they started heading outwards of the system, as if to make toward the distant 3rd star of the system, which was devoid of anything. But they presumably regained their bearings, as they then turned towards the home planet and started at what appeared to be their top speed of 2767km/s. Whilst it would take them several days to reach us, equally it would take the karzais a while as, despite being only 1000 tons, they only travelled at twice the speed of the Tarantulas. That was in spite of the recent advances in engine technology, he thought.

Part of his trepidation was that of uncertainty - Whilst we had been acquainted with the Kilan for several years, we had no real intelligence on their capabilities. They had largely kept to themselves thus far. Apart from the odd survey vessel, which disappeared from our screens as quickly as it had appeared, we had had no contact with any of their ships, and despite having theoretically explored all but 1 star in the jumpcluster, we had so far only come across a single low-emissions outpost. Hopefully the Index class' visit to that would shake them up a bit. He smiled. The index class were very outdated now, but should be sufficient to give them a little shock if that outpost remained undefended. His smile did not last long as his thoughts came back to the present. Whilst we knew little of the Kilan's capabilities, we knew the humans appeared to be a highly advanced species. Their freighters capabilities were far beyond that of our own and they often granted us technology that was beyond anything we had. And yet the Kilans thought they could just waltz into their space and do whatever they damn well pleased. Either the Kilans were stupid, or they had some fairly fearsome technological and military might behind them.

Suddenly, a cheer went up from the room. Gardiner snapped out of his daydreaming again and looked at the screen. Senor readings indicated 6 size 3 explosions impacting the ships. Telemetry from the missile confirms that 6 hit, with 4 going astray. There appeared to be no attempt at point defence from the tarantulas whatsoever, despite our knowledge that they mounted point-defence capable weaponry. Although truth be told, they probably didn't even see the missiles until they were lodged firmly in the hull plating. Their sensors did not appear to be active but even if they were they seemed quite pathetically inadequate according to the data sent to us by the humans. Although this was understandable, as they carried no missiles and had no need for long range scanning sensors. The Indexes were installed with a similar suite. It was noted that one of the tarantulas was streaming atmosphere, but had no apparent damage other than that.

It was several hours before the Karzais had made it back to reload. The Sensor Karzai was still shadowing the tarantulas, but was now becoming worryingly low on fuel. They stocked up on the newer sunbursts and headed back out to face the alien threat. Gardiner decided to take a break. It would be another few hours before the Karzais reached their target, and it was quite late already. He called the Nichijou class freighters who were shuttling automines between moons orbiting the secondary star back to Pales, then went to take a nap.

He woke to the noise of his alarm clock. Getting dressed quickly, he headed to the operations room. The Karzais were right on schedule, soon due to release the Sunbursts, with a much higher speed, improved accuracy and larger warhead compared to the Sunsprays. Although they had shorter range, this was not considered a drawback. Ah, there it was. The sunbursts were released... or were they? They should have been dropped already, why were their signals not appearing onscreen?
"What's going on?" he barked at the Lieutenant.
"I... I don't know sir... There appears to have been a launch malfunction... the missiles were not released"
"A malfunction? Aren't those missiles supposed to be brand new!?!?"
"Yes sir... I don't know the details yet..."
"Goddammit"
The Karzais went round for another go, but again, the missiles failed to launch. The Commodore was now worried. It looked like, having gone around, the Karzais would not get another chance to reload. The fate of Palis, Pales and the entire Palean race, may now lay squarely on his shoulders.

The hours passed in a blur. The things happening about him were mainly passing him by. Although the Yakisobas themselves were perfectly functional and the base had the awesome Texco Starlight class Radar array giving them active scanners out to 150 million kilometers, the Baselard class missile they were meant to launch were horrible. Outdated, and not even good when they were new. Short range, a mediocre warhead given their size and half the speed of a starburst. One thing said to him did stick though - The aliens seemed to be heading for Palax, not Pales. But Palax was just a small colony on the next planet to Pales, the third and final in orbit around Palis. It was chosen as it had a remarkably similar composition to Pales and was perfectly habitable as is. But why would the aliens be int... Then he realised. Since they had banned the sol system for civilian freight (due to the, now justified, worry that the tarantulas were still lurking around, despite human assurances), the civvies had been shipping freight between Pales and Palax. At the time of incursion, most were loading at Palax. The aliens might not have known of any settlements, but the civilian transponders shone like a beacon on their sensors. This was bad. The baselards had no hope of covering the distance required to protect it. In fact, there was only one missile that did have the range...
"Lieutenant?"
"Yes sir?"
"How quickly could we get the remaining Starspray stocks transported here from the Texco Armoury?"
"Uh, if we hurry it, a day at most sir."
"Get it done"
"Yes sir"

The aliens were now closing with the planet Palax. The last Starspray missiles had just finished being loaded into the Yakisoba storage and loading mechanisms. Although they were much smaller than the bases were designed for specifically, modern launch systems could work around smaller missiles, that was not a problem.
"Do we have a lock on?"
"Not yet sir. They'll have to be right at the edge of the scanner range of the takoyaki class scanner on Palax before they'll be in range of the fire controls here. Maybe another hour or so."
"Very well. Keep an eye on it"
Of course I'll keep an eye on it, thought the young lieutenant.
"yes sir"

Finally they were in range.
"Ok, I want Yaki 001 and 002 to fire all tubes at Tarantula 002. Yaki 003 and Yaki 004 can fire at Tarantula 003. Yaki 005 should fire half and half at each."
"Yes sir"
"Fire 5 salvos, then wait"
There was a rumble as the Old Starspray Mk Is launched up towards the heavens. They should be reaching their target in just a few minutes. He looked at the screen. Missiles were leaving the tubes exactly as planned.
"You ever find out what happened to those starbursts?"
"Uh, well sir, it seems likely that in the confusion, the ground handlers loaded the missiles incorrectly - they loaded them as you would load a sunspray, instead of using the correct method for a sunburst."
"There's a difference?"
"Yes sir"
It's amazing to think that such a stupid mistake could cost them so dearly. No, he mustn't think like that. The starspray had proved effective against this enemy already, and he had every faith now in stopping the invaders. Regardless, if the two planets' orbits had not happened to be at their closest point, the yakisobas' fire controls would not have had the range to cover Palax. It was only this stroke of luck that meant Palax had any defence at all. As he watched the missiles stream inward towards their targets, he thought of the aliens on board. What they were thinking, destroying unarmed freighters. Surely they knew this would be taken as a declaration of war? If they wanted to know more about our anatomy they could have just asked.

The Sunsprays impacted their target. Well, 8 did. The other 7 were wayward. Regardless, an engine was hit on Tarantula 002 and it's thermal signature dropped noticeably. He continued to watch. The tarantula 003 was lagging behind the 002 very slightly and as a result, the missiles took longer to reach their target.
"score 12 hits on tarantula 003"
"she looks like she's dead in the water, as it were, nice shooting"

Although there were another 4 salvos inbound to each ship, they proved unnecessary. The next salvo impacted, 11 of the missiles finding their target, the tarantula 002 disintegrating under the onslaught. A similar story for the 003, which, just moments later, succumbed. A cheer went up around the room. The Commodore wiped some sweat off his brow. These aliens didn't seem so tough after all. Maybe they really were just stupid.

A few days later he was back in the command bunker. The Indexes had reported that they had reached their target, the tiny alien colony in Horus. They also detected some limited ground troops. The indexes fired their 10cm lasers at the army base. Large portions blew up before the personell even knew what was happening, with 12 lasers from the PFS Kazari and the PFS Shirai's 3 twin fig wasp lasers targeted at ammunition dumps and fuel storage. 5 seconds later the PFS Accelerator and the PFS Railgun opened fire, further eradicating large portions of the base, the barracks and other installations were targeted. 10 seconds passed, and the two initial ships were recharged, ready to open fire once again. From then on they mostly targeted any concentrations of troops they could discern. With 24 lasers being fired every 10 seconds, the organisation of the ground troops quickly broke down, with men running every which way and any semblance of military discipline gone. An ultimatum was issued to the colony proper. Surrender or face the same consequences. Silence, came the answer. Now Gardiner knew it. They really were just stupid. He gave the order to open fire. Within a few minutes, 80% of the colony was on fire or in ruins. Civilian habitats, now just hunks of twisted metal and molten glass, industrial equipment broken and burning. There was no longer a detectable heat or EM signature from the colony. Any survivors would quickly run out of life support. The Indexes were ordered home. Maybe that would dissuade them from trying anything like this again. Only time would tell. The commander ordered the Nichis to pick up the survivors and drop them off at Pales, then go back to moving the mines. Hopefully, things could get back to normal for a while.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2012, 03:07:25 PM by Person012345 »
 

Offline TheDeadlyShoe

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Re: Palian Federation vs Kilan Council
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2012, 10:28:34 PM »
Decent read :)

I'm curious what happened with the fac missile tubes. You used "Load Ordnance" when you were out of the other missiles?
 

Offline Person012345

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Re: Palian Federation vs Kilan Council
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2012, 06:28:31 AM »
Decent read :)

I'm curious what happened with the fac missile tubes. You used "Load Ordnance" when you were out of the other missiles?
Actually what happened was I accidentally hit far too high an increment. All I know happened was that they disappeared and said they ran out of endurance although they should have been in range (I assume because they completely overshot the target). So I made up a reason off the top of my head. Considered going with a guidance system failure or something as well.
 

Offline Ektoras

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Re: Palian Federation vs Kilan Council
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2012, 05:44:21 AM »
I liked it  :)
 

Offline Person012345

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Re: Palian Federation vs Kilan Council
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2012, 01:35:07 PM »
Part 2
(This battle took place over 2 real-life days, and I am writing after having completed it, so apologies for any fuzziness about the details)

The sensor officer, Fitzpatrick, was excited as he looked across the active sensor readout. Although jump point transits had become routine nowadays with the extensive, largely human-built, jumpgate network and new systems were often discovered, it was still exciting to be on the ship to make that first jump through a jump point - would you find new and exotic worlds, or would you just end up back in the Cardiff system? There was the old saying, all space-roads lead to Cardiff. This was also the ship's last mission before it was decommissioned and replaced by the newer Baccano Geosurvey Ship. Potentially a historic moment.

The captain enquired as to whether everything was ready for the jump and, receiving affirmation, gave the order to proceed.
"Do you think we'll find Neutronium sir?" asked Fitzpatrick
The captain laughed and then, with a loud whirring and a flash of light, they found themselves in another corner of the galaxy. Fitzpatrick had always liked the noise jump engines made. After allowing some time for the ships sensors to recalibrate, he read the gravitational readouts - it was a system they had not encountered before, a star unfamiliar to the Palian race. However, they noted a couple of Human ship's transponder signals orbiting a habitable planet, the second around the G8V type primary. Maybe it was a human colony or conquered species. Either way the captain gave the order to go check it out, so they began to move away from the jump point towards the habitable planet. Soon after, some new contacts flashed up on Fitzpatrick's display.
"Sir" he began. But then as he turned back to the sensor display, his blood ran cold. These ships, although small, were unmistakably Kilanian vessels. "Sir" his voice had become weak "I think you'd better come take a look at this".

"Reverse thrust, full power" commanded the captain, "get us out of here". But Fitzpatrick could see that it was already too late. The active sensors on the Haganais were light-duty, to give the ships some eyes. These were unarmed Geosurvey vessels not warcraft and the sensors had not picked up the small 1000 ton craft until they were practically on top of the ship. Suddenly, the ship was engulfed in nuclear fire, the very construction of the ship melting and warping, being bent and broken by the powerful shockwave. Some lucky men managed to make it to the escape pods. Fitzpatrick was not among them.

Conor O'Brein didn't really like his job. At first, he had liked the humans. But he realised a while ago that they could not be trusted. Yet he had to continue with the diplomatic niceties, to ensure the continued supply of technology and support from them. And now his fears were vindicated. 2 Human ships had been pottering around quite peaceably in what appeared to be the Kalian home system. They were clearly collaborating, despite the Kalians clear and unwarranted aggression towards us, the humans supposed allies. Now it was his job to organise the transfer of the surviving crewmen of the GEV PFS Kodaka from those very 2 ships back home.
"Diplomat" a young woman caught up to him.
"Yes?" he replied.
You asked to be kept abreast of the news regarding the Kalians?"
"Ah, yes, what was it?"
"Pan-Palian News Network is reporting that the current squadron of Index II class frigates have been sent to picket the jump point and prevent any possible intrusions into Palian territory."
"Thank you" he said. At least the humans couldn't protest such reasonable security measures. Hopefully top brass wouldn't do anything to drastic towards the Kilanians before he managed to get the men back safely to Pales. Although he thought it was unlikely that they would, we had no real offensive capability at the moment. Sure, the adverts for the PNS boasted about their firepower, but all we had right now were 3 beam-armed Index II class ships.

Code: [Select]
Index II class Frigate    12,050 tons     1021 Crew     1671.4 BP      TCS 241  TH 600  EM 0
2489 km/s     Armour 5-46     Shields 0-0     Sensors 1/1/0/0     Damage Control Rating 20     PPV 80.04
Maint Life 10.27 Years     MSP 2734    AFR 58%    IFR 0.8%    1YR 47    5YR 707    Max Repair 157 MSP

Flamingo Class Engine C1M (10)    Power 60    Fuel Use 70%    Signature 60    Armour 0    Exp 5%
Fuel Capacity 250,000 Litres    Range 53.3 billion km   (248 days at full power)

Quad Yellowjacket Class 12cm Turret (1x4)    Range 120,000km     TS: 10000 km/s     Power 16-8     RM 3    ROF 10        4 4 4 3 2 2 1 1 1 1
Twin Hornet Class 15cm Turret (2x2)    Range 128,000km     TS: 10000 km/s     Power 12-4     RM 3    ROF 15        6 6 6 4 3 3 2 2 2 1
Vespidae Class Fire Control (2)    Max Range: 128,000 km   TS: 8000 km/s     92 84 77 69 61 53 45 37 30 22
Marble Class Fast Reactor (3)     Total Power Output 54    Armour 0    Exp 5%

Carbon Class Targeting Scanner (1)     GPS 12     Range 720k km    Resolution 1

This design is classed as a Military Vessel for maintenance purposes

-Numerous months later-
No one had forgotten the events with the Kodaka in what was now termed the Lancaster system. Another unprovoked attack on an unarmed vessel, costing the lives of many good Palians, by the treacherous Kilanians. And now it was time for revenge. Well, the official line was that we were proactively protecting the Palian people who should not have to live in fear, but to many this was revenge for the hundreds of civilian and survey astronauts who had died at the hands of the Kalian scum.

The production of the 4th, 5th and 6th Indexes was finished, and the first production run of Hyouka class ships had also been completed. The bigwigs had initially wants to wait for the full 5 and even for some colliers to accompany them, but so high was the confidence in the capabilities of the Hyouka and such was the desire to eliminate the Kalian military ability that they ordered Operation LSO001 to proceed with just 3 Hyouka and 6 Indexes in service.

Code: [Select]
Hyouka class Missile Frigate    14,400 tons     1542 Crew     2430.76 BP      TCS 288  TH 600  EM 0
2083 km/s     Armour 5-52     Shields 0-0     Sensors 1/1/0/0     Damage Control Rating 24     PPV 60
Maint Life 8.08 Years     MSP 3532    AFR 69%    IFR 1%    1YR 96    5YR 1443    Max Repair 600 MSP
Magazine 508   

Flamingo Class Engine C1M (10)    Power 60    Fuel Use 70%    Signature 60    Armour 0    Exp 5%
Fuel Capacity 350,000 Litres    Range 62.5 billion km   (347 days at full power)

Kevlar Class Missile Launch Bay (20)    Missile Size 3    Rate of Fire 25
Brightsky Class Missile Fire Control (2)     Range 94.6m km    Resolution 30
Sunspray Mk III (100)  Speed: 20,000 km/s   End: 71.4m    Range: 85.7m km   WH: 5    Size: 3    TH: 66 / 40 / 20
Sunburst Mk II (65)  Speed: 30,000 km/s   End: 23.8m    Range: 42.8m km   WH: 5    Size: 3    TH: 100 / 60 / 30

Starlight Class Radar (1)     GPS 18000     Range 164.3m km    Resolution 30

Missile to hit chances are vs targets moving at 3000 km/s, 5000 km/s and 10,000 km/s

This design is classed as a Military Vessel for maintenance purposes

And so it was. On the bridge of the PFS Accelerator, an Index, the lead ship in the operation, the captain gave the order for all to jump. They appeared on the other side of the jump point. As soon as they arrived they were spotted. The Hyoukas turned on their powerful starlight class radar. Supplied by the Texco Corp, the radar was basically a shipboard version of the one that allowed us to defeat the Kilan incursion first time round. From one direction, a ship dubbed the "Bulldog" was making it's way towards us at a fairly leisurely pace.
"I want 2 full salvos from 2 ships fired at it now" said the subcommander in charge of directing missile fire.
"Sir, that's 80 missiles, isn't that a little overki..."
"Just do it" the commander interrupted
"Yes sir".
Moments later the Sunspray missiles were away, streaking towards the enemy. Almost an hour later the first salvo connected and obliterated the Bulldog, rendering it into a number of large chunks of metal floating through space.  Over half of the fired missiles were not required and self-destructed. Hmm, thought the sub-commander, maybe that was a little overkill after all.
"Sir" said the sensor operator "we have multiple small bogies approaching from the planet at 4000 km/s"
These were probably the vessels that destroyed the Kodaka. "Lock on"
"We can't sir... they should be in range, but they appear to be using some form of... they appear to be causing interference, it's causing a number of ghost images to appear and it's hard to get a lock on. We should be able to get a stronger signal as they get closer though"
"How close?"
"I don't know sir"
"When ready, I want 5 missiles fired at each incoming FAC. Lets test them"
"Yes sir"

The ships had to close to around 50 million km before a lock on could be established. The missiles were loosed and the crew waited with anticipation as they streaked towards their target. Several minutes later, the missiles intercepted their target. They had an approximately 50% hit rate, and as one would expect of an FAC they were not carrying any point defence. The first Doberman, as they were termed, could not withstand the impact of the nuclear shockwave and crumbled under the onslaught. The second was luckier, only losing some atmosphere before the hull breach was sealed. The overall results were slightly disappointing after the initially promising hit, with most of the enemy only obviously suffering minor hull breaches, although one other was left dead in space.
"Again" ordered the subcommander.
The order was repeated. This time the results were much better, with approximately half of the 14 enemy craft falling to the nuclear-tipped spears of death, either being destroyed completely, or being rendered unable to move.
"Again"
Once more the missiles were away. This time, only 3 survived with their propulsion systems intact. The already disabled ships were also targeted, and they all exploded, their component parts strewn through space.

There were now 3 ships still on target and 2 helpless and unable to move. It was decided to let the Indexes, who by this point were some way out ahead of the Hyouka fleet, have a go at the remaining ships in order to conserve ammunition. However this was not to be. Before the Indexes were in range, the FAC's loosed their ammo and turned around. This was considered a distinct possibility and the Hyouka's fire controls were already set up for a counter strike. The missiles were targeted at the PFS Hamazura, and the crew braced for impact. There was a great roar as the missiles exploded against the body of the ship. The whole ship shuddered and shook.
"Damage report" demanded the commander
"All sectors report normal. They barely scratched our armour sir".
The ship had taken 3 hits. A salvo of 2 missiles were detected and shot down. It was thus assumed each FAC carried 2 missile launchers, and that one had been damaged by the Hyoukas, or that one had simply missed. But each missile only had a size 3 warhead and so they had no tangible effect against the 5-thick armour of the Indexes apart from slightly ablating the surface. The counter-strike, composed of sunburst missiles, was already on it's way. It took only 10 minutes for them to exact sweet revenge, destroying the disabled ships, and 2 of the Hamazura's assailants, but amazingly the Doberman 003 survived, albeit now without power. The indexes moved in and their 15cm lasers cut through the crippled ships' hull like a knife through butter. It was noted at this point that the humans were moving to pick up Kilanian survivors. They have some nerve. These are our prisoners.

Attention was now turned towards the planet. There were still numerous ships in orbit, so the Hyoukas and Indexes moved closer, as to put themselves within sunburst range of the planet. The order was given, and the Hyoukas quickly dispatched most of the remaining ships. The launch protocol was 10 missiles per contact, which was enough to overwhelm one alligator, a ~15,000 ton ship, a second salvo dispatched the second alligator and both cobras (16,000 tons), a third sent the two barracuda (8,000 ton) and the panther (8,000 ton) down in a blaze of nuclear glory. The explosions could easily be seen from the ground, illuminating the night's sky as bright as day temporarily. The Krait and the Scorpion still lived however. Also quite worryingly, this was the first point at which the enemy had shown some point-defence capability, as they appeared to be using anti-missile-missiles to knock out some of our missiles before they hit. These were clearly well protected ships and the Hyouka's were finally out of ammunition anyway, so they were ordered to head back and the Indexes moved in to investigate what was by now thought to be a planetary defence complex.

-end-

I will tell the story of what happened with the indexes later, but as you can maybe tell from the slightly rushed ending, I'm getting a little tired of writing for the moment.

All feedback welcome, I'd like to know if I'm doing anything wrong so I can improve it.
 

Offline Anarade Relle

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Re: Palian Federation vs Kilan Council
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2012, 09:18:44 PM »
Liked it. One thing you should take note of is that dialogue should end with a period before the quotation marks. i.e. "Fire the missile salvos." You mentioned you were tired of writing and if that means you wrote the entire thing in one sitting and then posted it one thing that never hurts is to save your work and take take another look at it the next day. No need, unless you have a deadline, to hammer something out and launch it the same day.

Some general comments: "And now it was time for revenge. Well, the official line was that we were proactively protecting the Palian people who should not have to live in fear, but to many this was revenge for the hundreds of civilian and survey astronauts who had died at the hands of the Kalian scum." Since this passage is narration/description you shouldn't be using "we".  "The official line was that the Expeditionary Squadron was proactively...".
 

Offline Person012345

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Re: Palian Federation vs Kilan Council
« Reply #6 on: June 18, 2012, 06:26:30 AM »
Liked it. One thing you should take note of is that dialogue should end with a period before the quotation marks. i.e. "Fire the missile salvos." You mentioned you were tired of writing and if that means you wrote the entire thing in one sitting and then posted it one thing that never hurts is to save your work and take take another look at it the next day. No need, unless you have a deadline, to hammer something out and launch it the same day.

Some general comments: "And now it was time for revenge. Well, the official line was that we were proactively protecting the Palian people who should not have to live in fear, but to many this was revenge for the hundreds of civilian and survey astronauts who had died at the hands of the Kalian scum." Since this passage is narration/description you shouldn't be using "we".  "The official line was that the Expeditionary Squadron was proactively...".
Thank you. ^.^
 

 

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