Post by: Erik L on April 09, 2008, 12:17:42 PM
Post by: Þórgrímr on April 09, 2008, 03:15:50 PM
Quote from: "Erik Luken"
Rather than clutter the story up with comments :) Keep up the good work.
Lol, yes I do watch WAY too many sci fi movies. :D
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Shinanygnz on April 12, 2008, 11:27:49 AM
More!
<what's the magic word?>
Now
Oh, right. Please... with sugar on (or sweetener if you prefer chemicals)
Stephen
PS. Hope you're feeling a bit better.
Post by: Þórgrímr on April 12, 2008, 11:54:25 AM
Quote from: "Shinanygnz"
Entertaining stuff as always.
More!
<what's the magic word?>
Now
:D
Now I know a lot of folks did not like Event Horizon due to its mixing of horror and sci fi, but I loved the movie. And I am sure if you have seen that movie you can spot its influence. :D
Thanks, yes I am feeling much better. The coughing spasms have finally gone away and I am regaining my energy levels. Still shooting myself with 32 units a day of insulin though.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: ShadoCat on April 12, 2008, 06:26:35 PM
I hope the clots are either gone or on there way there.
Post by: Þórgrímr on April 13, 2008, 07:55:12 AM
Quote from: "ShadoCat"
I'm glad to hear things are getting better.
I hope the clots are either gone or on there way there.
Thanks to you and everyone who gave me advice I am much more comfortable with my diabetes. For that I thank everyone on these boards who gave me advice. :D
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Þórgrímr on April 14, 2008, 10:34:28 AM
Code: [Select]
NOVA ROMA
Rocky Planets: 15 Surveyed: 10
Gas Giants: 6 Surveyed: 4
Moons: 76 Surveyed: 50
Asteroids: 48 Surveyed: 0
Nova Roma-C I
Duranium 8,921,088 Acc: 0.1
Neutronium 1,806,336 Acc: 0.4
Corbomite 6,885,376 Acc: 0.1
Tritanium 6,553,600 Acc: 0.1
Boronide 19,501,060 Acc: 0.1
Mercassium 495,616 Acc: 0.1
Vendarite 26,214,400 Acc: 0.1
Sorium 37,748,740 Acc: 0.1
Uridium 5,607,424 Acc: 0.1
Corundium 4,194,304 Acc: 0.1
Gallicite 10,240,000 Acc: 0.8
Nova Roma-A II
Duranium 42,430,470 Acc: 0.2
Neutronium 19,018,320 Acc: 0.1
Tritanium 11,102,220 Acc: 0.1
Boronide 19,448,100 Acc: 0.5
Mercassium 117,649 Acc: 0.1
Sorium 1,500,625 Acc: 0.1
Uridium 12,794,930 Acc: 0.1
Corundium 866,761 Acc: 0.1
Gallicite 12,446,780 Acc: 0.1
Nova Roma-C II
Duranium 423,405,000 Acc: 0.1
Neutronium 126,562,500 Acc: 0.1
Corbomite 158,760,000 Acc: 0.1
Tritanium 126,562,500 Acc: 0.6
Vendarite 2,250,000 Acc: 0.1
Sorium 18,922,500 Acc: 0.1
Uridium 68,062,500 Acc: 0.1
Corundium 162,562,500 Acc: 0.1
Nova Roma-C III
Duranium 105,996,800 Acc: 0.1
Neutronium 101,606,400 Acc: 0.1
Corbomite 98,803,600 Acc: 0.1
Tritanium 13,249,600 Acc: 0.1
Vendarite 173,185,600 Acc: 0.1
Sorium 155,251,600 Acc: 0.1
Nova Roma-A IV
Duranium 4,999,122 Acc: 0.4
Corbomite 4,588,164 Acc: 0.1
Tritanium 1,040,400 Acc: 0.1
Boronide 7,033,104 Acc: 0.1
Mercassium 65,025 Acc: 0.1
Vendarite 17,918,290 Acc: 0.9
Sorium 4,372,281 Acc: 0.8
Uridium 1,258,884 Acc: 0.1
Corundium 22,014,860 Acc: 0.1
Nova Roma-C V
Duranium 5,537,792 Acc: 0.5
Neutronium 5,308,416 Acc: 0.6
Corbomite 5,161,984 Acc: 0.7
Tritanium 10,240,000 Acc: 0.5
Mercassium 1,806,336 Acc: 0.9
Vendarite 1,254,400 Acc: 0.8
Sorium 7,750,656 Acc: 0.1
Corundium 4,734,976 Acc: 0.8
Nova Roma-A V - Moon 1
Duranium 1,431,432 Acc: 0.6
Corbomite 171,396 Acc: 0.1
Tritanium 156,816 Acc: 0.1
Boronide 842,724 Acc: 0.3
Mercassium 2,802,276 Acc: 0.7
Vendarite 1,245,456 Acc: 0.9
Sorium 1,971,216 Acc: 0.2
Gallicite 116,964 Acc: 0.2
Nova Roma-A V - Moon 4
Duranium 1,458 Acc: 1
Neutronium 870 Acc: 1
Boronide 462 Acc: 1
Mercassium 650 Acc: 1
Vendarite 121 Acc: 1
Sorium 4 Acc: 1
Uridium 552 Acc: 1
Gallicite 2,209 Acc: 1
Nova Roma-C VI - Moon 1
Neutronium 2,119,936 Acc: 0.1
Boronide 6,780,816 Acc: 0.8
Vendarite 28,224 Acc: 0.3
Sorium 1,192,464 Acc: 0.3
Nova Roma-C VII
Duranium 89,753,200 Acc: 0.2
Corbomite 25,050,020 Acc: 0.1
Tritanium 18,593,340 Acc: 0.1
Vendarite 49,098,050 Acc: 0.1
Uridium 8,561,476 Acc: 0.1
Gallicite 1,713,481 Acc: 0.1
Nova Roma-C VIII - Moon 4
Gallicite 5 Acc: 1
Nova Roma-C IX - Moon 2
Duranium 405,000 Acc: 0.8
Neutronium 756,900 Acc: 0.9
Corbomite 313,600 Acc: 0.9
Tritanium 518,400 Acc: 0.7
Mercassium 396,900 Acc: 0.6
Vendarite 52,900 Acc: 0.8
Sorium 490,000 Acc: 0.7
Nova Roma-C IX - Moon 4
Duranium 6,915 Acc: 1
Corbomite 384 Acc: 1
Tritanium 24 Acc: 1
Boronide 3,540 Acc: 1
Vendarite 2,333 Acc: 1
Uridium 49 Acc: 1
Corundium 2,540 Acc: 1
Gallicite 4,147 Acc: 1
Nova Roma-C IX - Moon 7
Corbomite 810,000 Acc: 0.9
Boronide 739,600 Acc: 0.9
Sorium 90,000 Acc: 0.8
Uridium 211,600 Acc: 0.5
Nova Roma-C IX - Moon 9
Duranium 19,618,850 Acc: 0.1
Neutronium 9,809,424 Acc: 0.6
Corbomite 10,549,500 Acc: 0.1
Uridium 7,750,656 Acc: 0.1
Nova Roma-A Comet #1
Corbomite 2,381 Acc: 0.9
Boronide 10,239 Acc: 0.9
Mercassium 3,803 Acc: 1
Sorium 1,206 Acc: 0.7
Uridium 4,410 Acc: 0.7
Gallicite 4,471 Acc: 0.7
Nova Roma-A Comet #2
Duranium 5,632 Acc: 0.8
Neutronium 2,389 Acc: 0.7
Boronide 9,184 Acc: 0.7
Vendarite 97,990 Acc: 0.8
Sorium 414 Acc: 0.8
Uridium 7,087 Acc: 0.9
Nova Roma-A Comet #3
Duranium 5,040 Acc: 0.9
Corbomite 4,446 Acc: 0.8
Uridium 453 Acc: 0.8
Corundium 6,608 Acc: 0.9
Nova Roma-A Comet #5
Duranium 15,174 Acc: 0.8
Corbomite 4,703 Acc: 0.7
Tritanium 858 Acc: 0.7
Boronide 3,761 Acc: 1
Sorium 5,771 Acc: 0.9
Uridium 5,344 Acc: 1
Nova Roma-A Comet #6
Sorium 3,464 Acc: 1
Uridium 173 Acc: 0.9
Corundium 9,237 Acc: 0.8
Nova Roma-A Comet #8
Tritanium 3,633 Acc: 0.9
Uridium 6,666 Acc: 0.8
Nova Roma-A Comet #11
Corbomite 102 Acc: 0.8
Tritanium 5,218 Acc: 0.9
Uridium 6,959 Acc: 1
Corundium 53,310 Acc: 1
Gallicite 9,522 Acc: 1
Nova Roma-A Comet #12
Duranium 7,962 Acc: 0.8
Neutronium 2,058 Acc: 0.8
Corbomite 2,334 Acc: 1
Boronide 3,607 Acc: 0.8
Mercassium 8,241 Acc: 0.7
Sorium 50,100 Acc: 1
Gallicite 1,552 Acc: 0.7
Nova Roma-A Comet #13
Mercassium 9,220 Acc: 0.9
Sorium 3,936 Acc: 1
Nova Roma-A Comet #15
Duranium 4,774 Acc: 1
Neutronium 9,861 Acc: 0.8
Vendarite 28,542 Acc: 0.7
Uridium 8,258 Acc: 1
Corundium 3,188 Acc: 0.9
Gallicite 3,829 Acc: 1
Nova Roma-A Comet #17
Duranium 2,794 Acc: 0.9
Boronide 6,163 Acc: 0.7
Sorium 21,040 Acc: 0.9
Nova Roma-A Comet #19
Corbomite 5,083 Acc: 0.8
Boronide 3,938 Acc: 0.8
Nova Roma-A Comet #22
Duranium 18,770 Acc: 1
Tritanium 5,581 Acc: 0.9
Mercassium 1,522 Acc: 0.8
Vendarite 28,354 Acc: 0.7
Gallicite 1,682 Acc: 0.7Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Haegan2005 on April 14, 2008, 01:32:20 PM
Post by: Þórgrímr on April 14, 2008, 03:16:58 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
OMG
My thoughts exactly when I saw the exploration results pour in.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 03, 2008, 01:25:48 PM
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 03, 2008, 01:41:27 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
A good start to the "Test of Fire"! Well done indeed!
Thanks bud. I think you all will enjoy this one. Since I intend to delve deeply into the characters and bring out a lot of details.
I have been working on it in all my spare time. I think this one is calling to my muse rather strongly.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 03, 2008, 01:45:45 PM
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 03, 2008, 01:58:22 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
So, how long before "Test of Fire" did "Discovery" occurr?
Discovery occurred at the beginning of Roman expansion, about 60 to 65 Earth standard years before Time of Fire begins. So a lot of folks from then are getting up there in years. Even with the Telomerase anti-aging formula.
In that time they have met the Medians, fought them twice, the Atheri, an Avian species and found another connection to US Space. They also know about the Denevans, and have had some dealing with them through the Atheri, but did not know they had a connection to Denevan space. And that is the dangerous hole in their flanks.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 03, 2008, 02:33:55 PM
Cheers, ??rgr?mr[/quote]
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 03, 2008, 02:40:32 PM
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 03, 2008, 02:53:45 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
? The Medians? As a side question, are you using Auroa for this?
The Medians are described in The Siliconate War and described as a brain in a jar. Also, if you look near the top and middle of the Roman space map you will see a planet called Media.
The attack into Roman space is going to use the Roman map I have up. For right now, I am only using Aurora to generate the star systems.
Aurora has the best star generation routine I have seen yet. Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 03, 2008, 03:06:14 PM
Do you have a download of the Siliconate War? I would like to read it if possible. :D Aurora has the best star generation routine I have seen yet.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr[/quote]
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 03, 2008, 03:25:19 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
maybe a silly question, but...
Do you have a download of the Siliconate War? I would like to read it if possible. :wink:
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Charles Fox on May 07, 2008, 06:48:34 PM
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 07, 2008, 07:38:47 PM
Quote from: "Charles Fox"
Out of curiousity, are you basing Test of Wills off the Starfire novel Crusade? It's been a while since I read that book, but there seem to be some parallels. It's a good story. :D I will admit I saw a good idea and ran off with it. :D Only David's Aliens wanted to 'save' Terra from the Orion's, the Denevans want to wipe the humans from the stars.
After this opening it veers completely away from any similarity. I used the idea of a believed dead end to surprise and enemy idea. It was too good to pass up. :shock:
They studied the ships they captured and were finally able to crack the database and they knew everything the rebelling ships did at that time. but kept the Lair's secret quiet. Since you never know when you wish to wipe another race out of the stars.
It was Tera'Kah who re-discovered the data and formulated the plan for attack.
I hope this helps your understanding of whats going on so far.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Charles Fox on May 07, 2008, 08:25:35 PM
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 07, 2008, 08:47:57 PM
Quote from: "Charles Fox"
Keen, I'm looking forward to following this story as it progresses. I'm not quite caught up on the whole story so far, so your synopsis really helps 'til I can catch up on the rest of the forum. :D
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 07, 2008, 10:40:15 PM
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 07, 2008, 10:55:43 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
The Silconate War has a good start, but needs a finish! I was left wanting more. Much more. I am now thinking that I need to polish my own work a bit more before posting. That means no more midnight postings! :D My muse won't let me sleep over it. I go to sleep thinking of the plot and I wake up thinking about it.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 08, 2008, 12:01:05 AM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
Quote from: "Haegan2005"The Silconate War has a good start, but needs a finish! I was left wanting more. Much more. I am now thinking that I need to polish my own work a bit more before posting. That means no more midnight postings! :D My muse won't let me sleep over it. I go to sleep thinking of the plot and I wake up thinking about it.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 08, 2008, 07:40:40 AM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
I have been there as well, but I can never seem to put to paper what I see and hear in my mind. Very frustrating.
Dude, you should see my stuff when I began to write, talk about crap! :D When I try and describe something I ask myself how would I tell a friend what I saw? To me it helps to think of what I waould say verbally and that usually helps me form what I write. Of course that is raw and in need of severe polishing. :lol:
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Doug Olchefske on May 08, 2008, 12:37:14 PM
I'll be glad to see how this goes.
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 08, 2008, 07:57:50 PM
Quote from: "Doug Olchefske"
Oh cool! A Dilgar story.
I'll be glad to see how this goes.
You mean a Denevan Story? :D I loved the episode Deathwalker on B5. Since I began helping on the B5 mod for Civ 4 I did a lot of research on the Dilgar ships. Thats when the idea to use the Dilgar story idea for my Denevans.
Only using my universe instead of B5. I loved the idea behind the Dilgars so I figured what the heck, incorporate it into the Roman saga.
Cheers, Thorgrimm
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 17, 2008, 12:10:49 PM
Quote
?Just do it!? Paul yelled. ?Jenny, get the defensive turrets on line, I knew this would happen!?
?What?? Toby asked in the confusion, a nervous edge in his voice as the freighter turned sharply and began accelerating away. ?What?s going on??
?Invasion.?
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 17, 2008, 01:49:14 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
Well worth the wait! It flowed smoothly both inthe scenes and between them!
Thanks my friend. I am really psyched about this project. I feel that everything I have learned about writing in the last five years is finally coming together. :D
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 17, 2008, 07:25:28 PM
@Steve, I wanted to ask you both if it was ok to use your names for characters in this project. Even though we do not see eye to eye on amny things, I greatly respect the both of you. So I wanted to show that by including you both in the project as my way of saying thanks for everything.
Below is a small excerpt of what I have. I will wait three days and if I have not heard anything from you two I will assume that means no permission given and will strike the names from the project.
Lt. Commander Jeffrey Sutton was part of the fleet serving as First Officer onboard the USS Lexington. Like the rest of the crew he had grimly watched the reports on GNN as news leaked that one of their ships was overdue from patrol and shared the same worries and apprehensions as that vessel was named as the USS Agamemnon, part of the same squadron the Lexington led. Commodore Walmsley had been on the sector command station for the best part of a day debating with Admiral Luken what the best form of action would be, and Commander Sutton knew his squadron commander would be screaming at the top of his lungs to be unleashed on the Byzacena system to tear through anyone who sought to imprison his officers and crew.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Erik L on May 17, 2008, 07:29:19 PM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
@Eric,
@Steve, I wanted to ask you both if it was ok to use your names for characters in this project. Even though we do not see eye to eye on amny things, I greatly respect the both of you. So I wanted to show that by including you both in the project as my way of saying thanks for everything. ;)
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 17, 2008, 07:38:36 PM
Quote from: "Erik Luken"
I'm fine with it, as long as you get the spelling right :wink: That Luken is the proper way to spell it since thats the way its spelled on your account name.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Erik L on May 17, 2008, 08:01:23 PM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
Quote from: "Erik Luken"I'm fine with it, as long as you get the spelling right :wink: That Luken is the proper way to spell it since thats the way its spelled on your account name. :)
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 18, 2008, 10:04:11 AM
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 20, 2008, 05:44:08 PM
Name stricken from the project.
If anybody else would like to let me use their names in the project just give a shout. And if someone would contact Damon and ask him if I could use his name I would like to. The Romans believed that as long as someone remembered them then they would never truly die.
And since I know he has cancer I would like to keep his name and him 'alive'. Since this project WILL get published he will remain 'immortal' as long as my books remain.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: crucis on May 20, 2008, 08:09:48 PM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
Ah well, I waited till Steve began posting again and since he never replied here I will take that as a sign of disapproval and will remove his name from the project.
Name stricken from the project.
If anybody else would like to let me use their names in the project just give a shout. And if someone would contact Damon and ask him if I could use his name I would like to. The Romans believed that as long as someone remembered them then they would never truly die.
And since I know he has cancer I would like to keep his name and him 'alive'. Since this project WILL get published he will remain 'immortal' as long as my books remain.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
I'll shoot hom an Email. I talk with Damon about once a week. I'll let you know what he says.
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 20, 2008, 08:50:12 PM
Quote from: "crucis"
I'll shoot hom an Email. I talk with Damon about once a week. I'll let you know what he says.
Crucis, thank you my friend. I did the same thing for my sister when she died and I feel in my small way I can keep the memory of these unfortunate folks who die before their time alive. It may not be much, but right now its everything I can do.
Cheers, Thorgrimm
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 20, 2008, 09:31:34 PM
Post by: crucis on May 20, 2008, 10:37:38 PM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
Quote from: "crucis"I'll shoot hom an Email. I talk with Damon about once a week. I'll let you know what he says.
Crucis, thank you my friend. I did the same thing for my sister when she died and I feel in my small way I can keep the memory of these unfortunate folks who die before their time alive. It may not be much, but right now its everything I can do.
Cheers, Thorgrimm
I just got a reply from Damon. Feel free to use his name.
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 20, 2008, 10:53:07 PM
Quote from: "crucis"
I just got a reply from Damon. Feel free to use his name.
Outstanding! What's his last name? I have a perfect spot for him.
I am sure he will get out of it.Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: crucis on May 21, 2008, 08:31:02 AM
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 21, 2008, 09:25:45 AM
Quote from: "crucis"
Damon Bradley
Thanks my friend. IF you want I can email you the first part of the section I am going to put his name in to send to him. If you would like that just PM me with your Email and I will get it to you ASAP.
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 23, 2008, 01:04:07 PM
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 25, 2008, 09:16:34 AM
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 25, 2008, 10:32:13 AM
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 25, 2008, 11:05:50 AM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
The last eight or so posts didn't "flow" together as well as your 1st battle.I am not sure why.If you could expand on why, I would greatly appreciate it. But I half suspect it is due to the way I had to chop up Chapter seven to make these posts.
Since you are the only one who has been commenting, if you want a full copy of the book, just PM me with your Email and I will send it to you. That way you can see if it helps for it to not be chopped up. :wink:
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: ShadoCat on May 25, 2008, 08:06:48 PM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
Ok folks, I posted up to the end of the first large battle. Before I post anymore, I would like some feedback. Suggestions, critiques, likes dislikes, the whole works.
Somewhere after the battle was lost and Starfall was getting ready to leave the planet with the convoy, I lost the flow of what was happening. I don't know if it was the story or if I got distracted.
Also, at the end there when one carrier was said to have 3 fighters and another had 2, we kept seeing more Roman fighters. Where did they come from?
Post by: ShadoCat on May 25, 2008, 08:07:45 PM
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 25, 2008, 08:35:48 PM
Quote from: "ShadoCat"
Somewhere after the battle was lost and Starfall was getting ready to leave the planet with the convoy, I lost the flow of what was happening. I don't know if it was the story or if I got distracted.
Also, at the end there when one carrier was said to have 3 fighters and another had 2, we kept seeing more Roman fighters. Where did they come from?
As with Haegan2005, I think it may be that I had to chop up chapter seven pretty badly to fit it in the posts. It is a rather large Chapter with a lot of scene changes. It is also possible I made it a bit to chaotic. I was trying to convey the idea that the battle was a full blown cluster**** and hard to keep track of.
Lol, good catch about the fighters. Umm... there are more carrier squadons than the ones mentioned, yeah thats the ticket. :D
I am glad you are enjoying the story so far, and keep picking those nits, it keeps me on my toes.
If you would like a copy to read and see if it flows a bit better not chopped up PM me your Email addy and I will send you a copy. I think I should send you a copy on principal just because you helped me with advice when I first got out of the hospital with the Bi-Lat PE and diabetes.
So, if you wish a copy, let me know. Also, would you mind if I used your name in Book 2, A Test of Wills: The Time of Blood?
Cheers, ??rgr?mr
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 26, 2008, 12:57:26 PM
As a side note, I am not looking for capitalization errors or even misspellings. Just erratic story telling errors. It would take a disinterested third party to take a vast amount of time to look for those 1st two errors.
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 26, 2008, 01:07:26 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
in chapter seven we have the freighter dodgeing Needle fighters. In the previous chapter we have erics brifing, the emergence of the Denevens fromthe stargate and their begining attack on the freighters, then Eric loading up onto a ship and the other marines admiring the "scenery". Unless the loading dock was ten minutes away or the freighters only a little slower then the Deneven DD then there is a continuity problem here. It may be what threw me off. I will continue reading.
As a side note, I am not looking for capitalization errors or even misspellings. Just erratic story telling errors. It would take a disinterested third party to take a vast amount of time to look for those 1st two errors.
The Marines were based in a different star system, so I am not sure I quite follow the problem. Sorry for being dense on my part. :wink:
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 26, 2008, 01:28:27 PM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
Quote from: "Haegan2005"in chapter seven we have the freighter dodgeing Needle fighters. In the previous chapter we have erics brifing, the emergence of the Denevens fromthe stargate and their begining attack on the freighters, then Eric loading up onto a ship and the other marines admiring the "scenery". Unless the loading dock was ten minutes away or the freighters only a little slower then the Deneven DD then there is a continuity problem here. It may be what threw me off. I will continue reading.
As a side note, I am not looking for capitalization errors or even misspellings. Just erratic story telling errors. It would take a disinterested third party to take a vast amount of time to look for those 1st two errors.
The Marines were based in a different star system, so I am not sure I quite follow the problem. Sorry for being dense on my part. :wink:
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 26, 2008, 02:04:53 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
In other words, the way the scenes go, you have eric at the briefing, then the Dens coming through the gate then eric loading onboard the ship then the fight scene with the starfall and the Dens. Even if it takes place in a diff chapter you still have a time flow disconnect. Unless eric is walking very very fast, he shouldn't be loading up until after the starfall reaches at least halfway to the planet.
AH HA! I think I know the problem now, you are forgetting about the Presidential Briefing that sets into motion the movement of US military forces towards the frontier. It is just coincidence that Eric's unit begins its move when the assault begins. The Presidential Orders were given a few weeks before.
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 26, 2008, 05:03:04 PM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
Quote from: "Haegan2005"In other words, the way the scenes go, you have eric at the briefing, then the Dens coming through the gate then eric loading onboard the ship then the fight scene with the starfall and the Dens. Even if it takes place in a diff chapter you still have a time flow disconnect. Unless eric is walking very very fast, he shouldn't be loading up until after the starfall reaches at least halfway to the planet.
AH HA! I think I know the problem now, you are forgetting about the Presidential Briefing that sets into motion the movement of US military forces towards the frontier. It is just coincidence that Eric's unit begins its move when the assault begins. The Presidential Orders were given a few weeks before.
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 26, 2008, 05:17:43 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
I will reread again. Maybe I was ditracted. I have reread the battle scene again. It does flow together much better now.
The Presidential Briefing begins Chapter four on page 46. And I really apprecite your feedback dude.
Post by: ShadoCat on May 26, 2008, 05:38:22 PM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
I am glad you are enjoying the story so far, and keep picking those nits, it keeps me on my toes.
You can pretty much count on that. <grin>
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
If you would like a copy to read and see if it flows a bit better not chopped up PM me your Email addy and I will send you a copy. I think I should send you a copy on principal just because you helped me with advice when I first got out of the hospital with the Bi-Lat PE and diabetes.
So, if you wish a copy, let me know. Also, would you mind if I used your name in Book 2, A Test of Wills: The Time of Blood?
Thank you. That would be great. I'll PM you but my emails not a secret, I just obfuscate it to keep the spambots at bay. It's my [nic] + 2atcoxdotnet
Feel free to use my name as you wish. It'll be interesting to see what "I" am up to in your story.
BTW, I am enjoying the B5 references. I was involved with AgamemCon a while back and had great fun with it.
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 26, 2008, 05:45:47 PM
Quote from: "ShadoCat"
You can pretty much count on that. <grin>
Thank you. That would be great. I'll PM you but my emails not a secret, I just obfuscate it to keep the spambots at bay. It's my [nic] + 2atcoxdotnet
Feel free to use my name as you wish. It'll be interesting to see what "I" am up to in your story.
BTW, I am enjoying the B5 references. I was involved with AgamemCon a while back and had great fun with it.
I will get that to you ASAP. Yeah I love B-5. And I do have a lot of references to other sci fi stuff in the book. I watch and read way TOO much sci fi. :oops: As soopn as I get that portion cleaned up I will get you and Shadocat your copies. Give me a day or two.
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 26, 2008, 06:22:23 PM
Quote
Tera?Kah had noticed something in that file he connected with, Anj?Sah would speak his mind despite protocol if she thought she was right
So is Anj?Sah male or femal?
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 26, 2008, 06:33:49 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
QuoteTera?Kah had noticed something in that file he connected with, Anj?Sah would speak his mind despite protocol if she thought she was right
So is Anj?Sah male or femal? :wink: What page was that on so I can change it.
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 26, 2008, 07:07:06 PM
Quote from: "??rgr?mr"
LMAO! Anj'Sah is a confused female. :lol:
Never mind, I found it. :wink:
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 26, 2008, 07:35:20 PM
LMAO! Anj'Sah is a confused female. :lol:[/quote]
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 26, 2008, 08:07:47 PM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
about 2 pages into chapter 9 :lol:
Post by: Haegan2005 on May 27, 2008, 12:25:38 AM
Quote
Tera?Kah guessed to escort any visitors. In the background more soldiers watched the scene, these ones in gray and green mottled uniforms incorporating armor with dull weapons and headgear, the standard battledress of the army.
She stepped off the shuttle to a quick salute from the escort commander. ?Fleet-Lord, this was most unexpected,? He sounded flustered. ?We have not yet fully secured the city.?
She again? Maybe its contagious?
its around page 264
Post by: Þórgrímr on May 27, 2008, 08:11:28 AM
Quote from: "Haegan2005"
QuoteTera?Kah guessed to escort any visitors. In the background more soldiers watched the scene, these ones in gray and green mottled uniforms incorporating armor with dull weapons and headgear, the standard battledress of the army.
She stepped off the shuttle to a quick salute from the escort commander. ?Fleet-Lord, this was most unexpected,? He sounded flustered. ?We have not yet fully secured the city.?
She again? Maybe its contagious? :D