Aurora 4x
Off Topic => Off Topic => Topic started by: MasonMac on April 05, 2020, 10:26:02 PM
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Sorry for the very, very off-topic... topic. I've recently noticed that I've been surrounding myself with the worst and most toxic of friends who've been killing me inside quite a bit. It's partially my fault too, since I'd ignored my real friends for them. By kicking out the toxic friends, I've realized that I am estranged to a lot of people.
I put my work and hobbies ahead of them, and then get angry when they (reasonably) don't invite me to anything. I understand, now, that it's because my interests are too different from theirs. While I could make such friends online, like here, I'd be much happier if I had friends that I could physically talk to. How would you go about this?
Tl;dr: The title
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While I can't really give any suggestions for how to find a 'friend' I generally find that I do get good social contact with people in the groups I associate with online. One thing I would suggest is find some good places to associate with people who share interests, look for a good discord group related to one or more of your hobbies, forums are good and can provide more useful detailed information, but theres a great psychological impact from real time conversation with someone, particularly when its mutually beneficial.
Edit:
Oh I misread your intentions significantly, I honestly don't have any contact with many people outside my workplace.
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Basic sociology implies that friendship develops from repeated, inadvertant contact -- that is, we become friends with people we see frequently for some other purpose (i.e. we work together, we live nearby, we are part of the same group, club, or activity, etc.)
The key is that hanging around someone for the sake of hanging around them is creepy and off-putting. Hanging around some place, doing some thing becomes a shared bonding ritual.
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Basic sociology implies that friendship develops from repeated, inadvertant contact -- that is, we become friends with people we see frequently for some other purpose (i.e. we work together, we live nearby, we are part of the same group, club, or activity, etc.)
The key is that hanging around someone for the sake of hanging around them is creepy and off-putting. Hanging around some place, doing some thing becomes a shared bonding ritual.
Yes, I agree. If I moved to a new area and wanted to get to know people, I would find some local activity to join. Cricket clubs, chess club, bowling league, etc. Try to pick something that puts you in close contact without that being weird. Dance classes or martial arts. Lots of options.
Don't push. Just be friendly and polite and you will soon make friends.
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I put my work and hobbies ahead of them
I've seen that quite a bit and it seems to especially be a problem for men, for some reason. Friendships sometimes do require a bit of self-sacrifice: every now and then, I'd rather stay at home but since I've been invited to some gathering or event or such, I should probably go. It doesn't mean you have to always go or always put friends ahead of everything else, just that the key is balance.
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Thanks a lot guys :). It's going to take some time to really take all this advice to heart, but for some reason, I already feel a little bit happier.
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If I may allow myself, from experience, I have learned one thing, it is not the years that forge a friendship, but the friendship that will forge the years. And to be a good friend, or to have good friends, you have to have heart I think. But not only that, it all depends on your aura.
I think that our "aura" plays an important role in our sociability and the way people perceive us. Either we are a sunny person (smiling, pleasant, etc.) or a grey person (moody, always suspicious, etc.) who would define our personality? In other words, either we want to get to know you, or we avoid you. Honestly, for me, friendship is a chemistry that is sometimes illogical, we can't explain it, it's like love, it's immutable.