Please Put any comments here,
No.
...aw, crap.
Looks interesting and I'm excited to see a Halo campaign that goes some distance on this board!
One comment, if I might, if you plan to write a lot of dialogue it is usually more readable to have each speaker on a new line. For example, instead of:
The chatter of the helmsmen and bridge crew permeate throughout the command deck as the final preparations for slipspace entry have begun, the heavy titanium doors of the bridge begin to open as the Marine guards step aside the acting bridge officer yells "Captain on Deck". Captain Rahimi clad in dress uniform enters the bridge climbing the stairs up to the command deck, on the command deck the ships executive officer and science officer were in the middle of a discussion, realising the captain had arrived they stood to attention saluting "Captain Rahimi, Sir". "What is the status of the slipspace engine, are we on schedule?" The captain responded after returning the salute, "Yes sir, all is proceeding as planned and the last personnel have arrived including the new AI", the command table began to glow as a small avatar of a human man appeared, "Identification: Gareth, Captain I have already begun integrating with the ship and I will be operational for the planned departure". "Very good, I am sure you will work well for our mission, continue the preparations we cannot afford to disappoint history", "Aye aye sir" rings out across the command deck of the bridge.
you might format this as:
The chatter of the helmsmen and bridge crew permeate throughout the command deck as the final preparations for slipspace entry have begun, the heavy titanium doors of the bridge begin to open as the Marine guards step aside the acting bridge officer yells "Captain on Deck". Captain Rahimi clad in dress uniform enters the bridge climbing the stairs up to the command deck, on the command deck the ships executive officer and science officer were in the middle of a discussion, realising the captain had arrived they stood to attention saluting "Captain Rahimi, Sir".
"What is the status of the slipspace engine, are we on schedule?"
"Yes sir, all is proceeding as planned and the last personnel have arrived including the new AI."
The command table began to glow as a small avatar of a human man appeared, "Identification: Gareth, Captain I have already begun integrating with the ship and I will be operational for the planned departure".
"Very good, I am sure you will work well for our mission, continue the preparations we cannot afford to disappoint history."
"Aye aye sir" rings out across the command deck of the bridge.
Unfortunately on a forum the formatting usually does not look as neat as in a printed book, so we are a bit stuck with using double-spacing to separate the paragraphs cleanly, which may mean a lot of whitespace in extended dialogue sections - but overall, I think this is easier for readers to parse.
The Fifth Winter class corvette is one of the most numerous large scale warships, capable of operating for up ot a year at a time, it is one of the more modern naval vessels in service, being designed and produced in the early 2320s, it features two Mk 10 Halberd naval coilguns for close range defense against enemy ships, while its missile defense consists of two M840H BBulwark point defense guns, finally its most impressive feature is the two M24 Defender missile pods which allow the launch of up to twenty-four Defender missiles, such a volley is capable of crippling even a frigate sized vessel.
Fifth Winter class Corvette
M24 Defender missile pods (24) Missile Size: 6 Hangar Reload 122 minutes MF Reload 20 hours
MFCS-22-150 (1) Range 22.8m km Resolution 150
I've tried my hand at a few Halo designs in the past, and what I usually found effective for roleplay was to have each missile pod be represented by a MFC controlling as many launchers as are in the pod of the lore-original ship or class. This way the lore feels represented in the game a bit more. I offer this merely as a suggestion to enhance roleplay and not in any way as a complaint.
By the way, I regularly use 20% or 25% survey speed, I do find it does not slow down exploration as much as one would hope in practice, since so much of survey time is spent in transit rather than in a stationary position. I don't think there's a good solution for this besides using very slow surveyors, sadly, dropping to 5-10% is more annoying than anything as your survey craft spends years in Jupiter orbit...
