Author Topic: Geek Joke  (Read 2325 times)

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Offline Erik Luken

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #15 on: December 07, 2011, 01:22:57 PM »
EDIT: I actually went and checked this...he's right, there are no rails in nebraska that come in from any direction except east-west, in which case you wouldn't see many cows going either way. The rail line I was thinking of does come in from the north, but it follows the river on the Iowa side.  Maybe they got lucky and saw a few outside of scottsbluff.

Been a while for me, but don't the tracks from the east come into Ne in South Omaha near the stockyards? In that case they'd see cows. Lots of cows. Well, depending on time period.
 

Offline PTTG

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #16 on: December 07, 2011, 03:26:07 PM »
Yeesh, why don't we just take these science puns and barium.
 

Offline MrAnderson

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #17 on: December 07, 2011, 08:22:19 PM »
A lawyer and a girl are sitting on a plane together. The lawyer asked the girl if she would want to play a game of knowledge, where if she couldn't answer one of the lawyers questions, she would have to give him five dollars, but if he couldn't answer one of her questions, he would have to give her a hundred dollars. So, the lawyer goes first, and asks" What is the distance between Earth and Mars?" The girl shrugs, and gives the lawyer five dollars. Then, she asks "What does an elephant, a ruler, and a cowboy have in common?" The lawyer thinks long and hard for five minutes, and makes several phone calls asking his friends for the answer. Finally, he gives up and gives the girl a hundred dollars. He then asks "What was the answer to your question". The girl looks blankly at him, and gives him another five dollars.
 

Offline shadenight123

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #18 on: December 08, 2011, 09:31:37 AM »
it seems people hate quite a lot lawyers around here...or it's a scientific thing that lawyers have no brains? U_U

why did Werner Heisenberg hate driving cars?
Because, every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost!
people die all the time, it's not a problem.
it is if you're sending them to die.
i'm not. they just need to learn to be better.
at NOT BREATHING ON MARS!?
they need NOT TO CARE!
my blog (updated 17/12/2011) (updated every saturday):
http://shadenight123.blogspot.com/
 

Offline Theodidactus

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #19 on: December 09, 2011, 08:48:38 AM »


Two:
An economist washes up on a desert island. After walking some distance, he happens upon a cannibal selling brains. The sign above the cannibal's brain-shack reads:
- Lawyer brains: 5$ per pound
- Doctor brains: 15$ per pound
- Economist Brains: 150$ per pound
The economist walks up and makes conversation, he can't help but show off.
"I'm an economist" he says, "and I theorize that your economist brains are so expensive because they are so highly demanded."
"well there's that." the cannibal concedes, "but do you have any idea how hard it is to get a pound of economist brains?"

my joke, at least, would seem to imply that there supply of lawyer brains is greater than the supply of doctor brains or economist brains.


...or it could mean that they are in extremely low demand.
My Theodidactus, now I see that you are excessively simple of mind and more gullible than most. The Crystal Sphere you seek cannot be found in nature, look about you...wander the whole cosmos, and you will find nothing but the clear sweet breezes of the great ethereal ocean enclosed not by any bound
 

Offline PTTG

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2011, 10:27:48 AM »
I first heard that joke as being about a brain transplant. Frankly I think the cannibal thing makes more sense.

Einstein walks into a bar and tells the bartender "I'll have your best German beer". Sagan walks in, sees Einstein with his beer, and asks the bartender for a glass of some wine, a nice Merlot if he has one. Then a lawyer shows up in a nightgown and says, "When I woke up, my pillow was gone!" The bartender says, "Buddy, you woke up in the wrong joke."
 

Offline Person012345

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2011, 11:53:01 AM »
A joke I saw on another forum:
"We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here" said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.

It made me lol
« Last Edit: December 09, 2011, 11:54:54 AM by Person012345 »
 

Offline Charlie Beeler

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2011, 12:40:37 PM »
I'm from nebraska too. Think there's any chance we know each other?
I don't specify rail directions. most rails in Omaha enter the city directly from the east, in which case, you're right, as Omaha proper is already right there, but after that they curve to the north. If you were coming into omaha from chicago, I think you'd come in from the north.


EDIT: I actually went and checked this...he's right, there are no rails in nebraska that come in from any direction except east-west, in which case you wouldn't see many cows going either way. The rail line I was thinking of does come in from the north, but it follows the river on the Iowa side.  Maybe they got lucky and saw a few outside of scottsbluff.
Not exactly correct.  It is true that there are none in the national level rail network that connect south to Kansas, there is one that connect north into South Dokota.  And there are several lesser raillines that connect south to Kansas.  http://www.deskmap.com/images/rr_nebraskakansas.gif
Amateurs study tactics, Professionals study logistics - paraphrase attributed to Gen Omar Bradley
 

Offline Sheb

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2011, 07:19:10 AM »
I didn't understood the one about St Anselm. Does it have to with that stupid argument of his for the existence of God?

Anyway, here is one :

A sinus and an exponential escape from civil war and immigrate to Cosinusland. After a few month, sinus is doing great, but exponential is living on the streets. When they meet again, sinus say "But why don't you integrate?" "I try, but it doesn't change anything!"
 

Offline Icecoon

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #24 on: November 06, 2012, 04:26:55 AM »
1:
A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

2:
Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon?" A thirteen-year old: [Pause] "I think it's the Moon because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the Sun shines during the day when you don't need it."
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.


If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
 

Offline TheBeardyMan

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #25 on: November 06, 2012, 06:54:30 AM »
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?

A: To get to the other . . .  oh . . .  wait . . .
 

Offline niflheimr

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #26 on: November 06, 2012, 08:52:44 AM »
Heard this one at a training course at our nuclear plant
Q: What do you do when you are on-site , at Unit 1 and you hear the two-tone alarm ( alarm at the other unit)
A (from one of my very bright colleagues): You laugh at the guys from Unit 2 cause they have a problem and we don't!
 

Offline Erik Luken

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #27 on: July 03, 2013, 04:49:36 PM »
Artificial light is made of fauxtons. :D
 

Online Steve Walmsley

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #28 on: July 03, 2013, 04:57:50 PM »
Artificial light is made of fauxtons. :D

LOL!
 

 

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