Author Topic: Geek Joke  (Read 2126 times)

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Offline Erik Luken

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Geek Joke
« on: September 17, 2011, 10:52:02 PM »
Q - Why are days long?

A - Because 86400 won't fit into a short.
 

Offline Steve Walmsley

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2011, 05:12:22 AM »
Two atoms walk into a bar

One suddenly says, "Oh my God, I think I have lost an electron"

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies "I'm positive!"

 

Offline shadenight123

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2011, 03:07:57 PM »
...
you want a challenge.
a challenge you shall have.

two neutrons walk into a bar and order a drink.
after drinking they wish to pay, but the bartended refuses and says:
"for you my friends no charge"
people die all the time, it's not a problem.
it is if you're sending them to die.
i'm not. they just need to learn to be better.
at NOT BREATHING ON MARS!?
they need NOT TO CARE!
my blog (updated 17/12/2011) (updated every saturday):
http://shadenight123.blogspot.com/
 

Offline Steve Walmsley

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2011, 06:59:03 PM »
Professor Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.

The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going?

Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".



 

Offline shadenight123

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2011, 09:39:23 AM »
XD.
heisenberg indetermination law right?


i'll go classic.

there are 10 types of people in the world.
those who understand binary and those who don't.
people die all the time, it's not a problem.
it is if you're sending them to die.
i'm not. they just need to learn to be better.
at NOT BREATHING ON MARS!?
they need NOT TO CARE!
my blog (updated 17/12/2011) (updated every saturday):
http://shadenight123.blogspot.com/
 

Offline Dutchling

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2011, 09:43:09 AM »
Took me a while to get that one :P
Slight variation of yours:

There are 3 types of people in the world.
Those who can count, and those we can't.
 

Offline Sheb

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2011, 12:41:37 PM »
A bear walks around when he encounter a river. Fairly confident in his swimming abilities, he jumps in, but imemdiately dissolves. Why?

It was a polar bear.
 

Offline Vynadan

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2011, 01:34:24 PM »
There's a fairly ordinary house: Four closed walls, a roof, the works. Nothing abnormal.

All of the walls point south.

A bear walks by - what's the colour of the bear and why?




Solution:
The bear's white. The house is standing on the north pole.
 

Offline shadenight123

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2011, 02:06:37 PM »
A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician agree to take part in an experiment. Each person is locked in a room with nothing but a single can of beans.

After three days the researchers open each door in turn. In the first room they find the physicist happily scrawling equations across a wall, and the can of beans is neatly popped open. They ask him how he opened the can and he says "Oh I applied pressure to the stress points".

They take their notes and move on to the next room, where the engineer is snoring in a corner. The can is lying beside him, a smashed pile of metal. They wake him and ask him how he opened the can, to which he replies "I battered it to it's failure point.

Finally, they open the third door. There they find the mathematician holding the can, rocking back and forth, and muttering, "Assume the can is open. Assume the can is open."
people die all the time, it's not a problem.
it is if you're sending them to die.
i'm not. they just need to learn to be better.
at NOT BREATHING ON MARS!?
they need NOT TO CARE!
my blog (updated 17/12/2011) (updated every saturday):
http://shadenight123.blogspot.com/
 

Offline Steve Walmsley

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2011, 04:01:53 PM »
How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?

He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: "If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast."

Steve
 

Offline Theodidactus

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2011, 10:40:15 PM »
One:
a physicist, a philosopher, and a mathematician are on a train bound for Omaha.
As they pass the nebraska state line, the physicist looks out the window and says "wow...Nebraska has brown cows"

the philosopher says "you still don't know that. All you know is that there is at least one cow in nebraska, and it is brown."

the mathematician says "at least one side of the cow is brown..."



Two:
An economist washes up on a desert island. After walking some distance, he happens upon a cannibal selling brains. The sign above the cannibal's brain-shack reads:
- Lawyer brains: 5$ per pound
- Doctor brains: 15$ per pound
- Economist Brains: 150$ per pound
The economist walks up and makes conversation, he can't help but show off.
"I'm an economist" he says, "and I theorize that your economist brains are so expensive because they are so highly demanded."
"well there's that." the cannibal concedes, "but do you have any idea how hard it is to get a pound of economist brains?"

Three:
During a flight, a stewardess walks up to Rene Descartes and asks, "Would you like something to drink?" the French philosopher answers, "I think not." And he disappears.



Four...i always use this when I teach dimensional analysis or certain forms of logic:

A metrics expert is sitting alone at a cafe when a waitress walks up to him.
"Can I take your order?" she asks.
"Yes," says the metrics expert, "I would like 22 grams of eggs and .202 liters of coffee with 2.5 grams of sugar and no cream."
a little while later the waitress returns.
"I'm sorry," she says, "we're all out of cream. Would you prefer to have no milk instead?"



« Last Edit: December 06, 2011, 11:49:51 PM by Theodidactus »
My Theodidactus, now I see that you are excessively simple of mind and more gullible than most. The Crystal Sphere you seek cannot be found in nature, look about you...wander the whole cosmos, and you will find nothing but the clear sweet breezes of the great ethereal ocean enclosed not by any bound
 

Offline Theodidactus

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2011, 10:45:19 PM »
oh yeah, my favorite:

Saint Anselm of Canterbury goes on a date with Hildegarde of Bingen. He tries to make small talk:
"so," he says, "do you like this steak?"
"not really," Hildegarde confesses.
"that's too bad" anselm replies, then reaches for something else: "do you have any family members?"
"not really," Hildegarde confesses.
"that's too bad,"anselm replies..."do they like steak?"
« Last Edit: December 06, 2011, 11:31:50 PM by Theodidactus »
My Theodidactus, now I see that you are excessively simple of mind and more gullible than most. The Crystal Sphere you seek cannot be found in nature, look about you...wander the whole cosmos, and you will find nothing but the clear sweet breezes of the great ethereal ocean enclosed not by any bound
 

Offline Erik Luken

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #12 on: December 07, 2011, 12:07:52 AM »
One:
a physicist, a philosopher, and a mathematician are on a train bound for Omaha.
As they pass the nebraska state line, the physicist looks out the window and says "wow...Nebraska has brown cows"

the philosopher says "you still don't know that. All you know is that there is at least one cow in nebraska, and it is brown."

the mathematician says "at least one side of the cow is brown..."


Being from Nebraska... Going to get a bit pedantic here ;)

Heading west to Nebraska, as soon as you cross the border, you are in Omaha. Headed east into Nebraska, you cross the border into desert. Might get some heading north or south... But that'd be about the only way ;)
 

Offline Theodidactus

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #13 on: December 07, 2011, 07:22:59 AM »
I'm from nebraska too. Think there's any chance we know each other?
I don't specify rail directions. most rails in Omaha enter the city directly from the east, in which case, you're right, as Omaha proper is already right there, but after that they curve to the north. If you were coming into omaha from chicago, I think you'd come in from the north.


EDIT: I actually went and checked this...he's right, there are no rails in nebraska that come in from any direction except east-west, in which case you wouldn't see many cows going either way. The rail line I was thinking of does come in from the north, but it follows the river on the Iowa side.  Maybe they got lucky and saw a few outside of scottsbluff.
« Last Edit: December 07, 2011, 07:54:52 AM by Theodidactus »
My Theodidactus, now I see that you are excessively simple of mind and more gullible than most. The Crystal Sphere you seek cannot be found in nature, look about you...wander the whole cosmos, and you will find nothing but the clear sweet breezes of the great ethereal ocean enclosed not by any bound
 

Offline shadenight123

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Re: Geek Joke
« Reply #14 on: December 07, 2011, 07:23:25 AM »
i love telling chemistry jokes.
i get periodical reactions.

*badum tshatsha*
people die all the time, it's not a problem.
it is if you're sending them to die.
i'm not. they just need to learn to be better.
at NOT BREATHING ON MARS!?
they need NOT TO CARE!
my blog (updated 17/12/2011) (updated every saturday):
http://shadenight123.blogspot.com/
 

 

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